Life is a Verb

Through the
life I live,
and the words I write,
I wish to resurrect
many from the
untimely death
of not fully
LIVING!

#lifeisaverb #wholesouledwoman

Happy NOWs vs Happy Endings

http://alisonbristow.com/happy-nows-vs-happy-endings/

You Fashioned Dark Chocolate and Dark Men

http://alisonbristow.com/you-fashioned-diet-dark-chocolate-dark-men/

Las Vegas Divorce and the Art of Resilience

 Dear Las Vegas,

I despise cigarette smoke, don’t think I’ve ever put a quarter in a slot machine, and wouldn’t know a black jack table if it hit me over the head. So what was I doing Labor Day weekend 2016 trekking over I-15 in my VW Passat, leaving the City of Angels for the City of Sin?

The ink on the judge’s stamp of approval was barely dry on my divorce decree and I knew I needed to get away. I could’ve gone anywhere and while for some a post-divorce Las Vegas trip is the obvious choice, it wasn’t for me.

My only memories of you at the time were from a girls’ trip ages ago, where I spent most of my time next to a pool larger than the Pacific Herself – only confirming my perception of you as a gaudy, overblown, how dare you, cesspool of excess.

And one more with an ex-boyfriend who was all-in-one recovering alcoholic, trust fund baby, and self-proclaimed cowboy. Top memory from that trip, sitting in a parking lot of traffic along the strip, Kid Rock’s country rap song, “Cowboy” blaring as loud as the Dodge Ram speakers would allow.

 Old Route 66

 Needless to say you, Las Vegas, weren’t my go-to for good times. Yet you called to me in my broken-open-hearted post-divorce state of ruin. Life had proven me wrong about so many things, maybe I had been wrong about you too.

At first chance, I detoured off the main thoroughfare and onto the world famous old Route 66. A desolate winding two-laner with nary a car to be found other than my own and open space on all sides, it was a perfect fit for my mood and need for self-reflection. Once back on the Interstate I sat amid the holiday traffic with fellow travelers on the way to your open armed modern-day mecca of sensual delights.

My excitement was twinged with skepticism. Had instinct steered me right? Trusting things that didn’t fit my old views was the lesson of the hour so I assumed this was no exception.

As it turned out that long weekend was the beginning of a delicious love affair with myself that was a long time in the making. And it was amid all the distraction – blinking lights, round the clock action, a simulation of the whole world compacted into one city, a larger-than-life-replica of everything – that I found the first hints of clarity.

From Zumanity to the best rooftop dancing ever to hours of walking along the strip appreciating the imagination, creativity and ingenuity behind the things I once scoffed at as worldly and pretencious, I came to love and appreciate you. Or maybe I just came to love and appreciate – nevertheless you were my catalyst and object of attention at the time.

When a tightly wound heart refuses to find the liberation it longs for, sometimes it takes a break to set it free. This was the gift my divorce brought me.

As I left your arms that weekend, though energized, the reality set in -  my old life was gone and my new life was a single cell amoeba with no shape or form yet. I sobbed through Barstow. Made a break away from the traffic only to find myself on a dirt road riding the divide between stretches of vast desert. Fear and doubt almost had me turn around. But faith told me to keep driving full speed ahead. So off into the blind not knowing I went, digging deep for the trust that the road would find me on the other side. And it did!

 

By the time I hit Pasadena, Barstow’s sobbing was laughter accompanied by loud music.

I had taken the bounce. I could feel my resilience and even in the absence of anything tangible to cling to, I knew everything was going to be alright.

This trip isn’t something I expected to write about, but Monday when I heard the news I wanted to feel and share my appreciation for you, a city reeling from the devastation of something hitherto unimaginable.

I don’t mean to suggest that what brought me to my metaphorical knees is in the same league as what happened to you and the individuals effected by Sunday’s events.

I mean it as a meager offering – the only one I can make from my own embodied experience of the art of resilience. As I was writing this to you, I realized that the physics behind a bounce is when something resilient hits something hard. The object must have give or it breaks. And it’s the hard thing that gives it the bounce.

No doubt, this is a hard time. Yet in all my experience thus far, I’ve found the human spirit to be both individually and collectively resilient and that leads me to embrace you, Las Vegas, and your people in that knowing.

And I trust that any political or judicial changes that this experience evokes will be born out of unity and love rather than divisiveness and hate.

All my love,

Joy Alison

Whole-Souled Sexuality

Once upon a time at summer camp (not band camp) when I was a young girl (not an old woman like now), I heard in a conversation an older woman say how she preferred gardening over sex with her husband. I remember at the time being new in my exploration of sexuality in relationship to others, raising my eyebrows and thinking - "What!? Is she nuts?!" Oddly her words stuck with me and have replayed in my head many times over the years as I've grappled with and observed sexuality from many different angles - pardon the pun.

First of all sexuality and all it represents can't be narrowed to body parts and isolated instances of connection between bodies.Sexual energy is so much bigger than that. But as with all glorious, mysterious, and awe inspiring things unfittable into boxes, we try boxing them any way. I do not remember this woman as embodying femininity. I remember her as more masculine in appearance and rigid if not mildly cranky in attitude. While there's nothing wrong with that, her words were words of resignation with a twinge of resentment. Gardening over intimacy with her husband was a consolation prize, not a celebrated choice.

There are many directions for sexuality to flow. One individual may have dozens of them, hundreds, even thousands...dare I say limitless ways - existence itself and taking a breath counted among them. For me, my first sip of single origin Kenyan coffee in the morning, the sound of Smokey Robinson's silky voice buttering up the high notes, moving my body to a funky bass line or African drum, a first glimpse of the moon on a starry summer night, or a strong, steady, masculine hand on the small of my back - all of these (though not sex per se) have at one time or another given me visceral experiences of sexual delight.

I was recently asked by an attractive man of color at a dance venue if I was Brazilian. "No, I said, but I know why you're asking." He grinned, surprised I think at my candidness. We both knew it was the booty. Who are we kidding?  We smiled at each other and he said, "Man, you're a woman, a real woman." I hunched over, pretending I had a cane, and said, "You mean an old lady." "No!" Was his emphatic reply. "You're truly sexy. Sexy doesn't even begin for a woman until this and this get connected." he said pointing first to his head and then to his heart. I liked his insight and agreed with one addition so I nodded, "You're right - this, this, AND this," I said pointing to my head, my heart, and adding my pelvis.

My response was a natural, matter-of-fact depiction of my own experience in integrating my sexuality. There's no way to leave the pelvis out! Ask Elvis.

Embracing the pelvis has so many literal and symbolic implications. As a woman, the journey of unlocking my pelvic mysteries has been a fascinating one and still continues. As a teacher witnessing the way our bodies reflect psychological and emotional states, I've found the pelvic area to be a great block for many people of both genders. In a yoga class ask people to lift their arm - no problem. But mention or ask for some adjustment or movement in the pelvic area and you can feel the trepidation in the room.

This pelvic disconnect mirrors shame and guilt about our sexuality and it's not natural or innate. It is learned, educated conditioning. No baby shoots out of the womb with any aversion to their pelvis -- quite the opposite. Latin, Mediterranean and African cultures tend to be more connected and free with their sexuality. You can see this by the styles of dance that come from these areas.

I wish for everyone, both men and women, to have a fun, free, joyous, open-ended exploration with their sexuality. Reckless and repressed are two sides of the same coin. One side reflects fighting against outside impositions, the other succumbing to them.

For me, the middle way has been looking within. I've had to blatantly ignore the committee in my head to find my own authenticity. This continues to require a lot of deconstructing, self-reflection, exploration, and quite frankly what's been recently called in a popular book -- "the subtle art of not giving a FXXX."

What I'm discovering is that my sexuality is something to be embraced, cherished, and honored. I'm finding that the more it's grounded in my authenticity, the more it flows in ways that are healthy and constructive to my life. And many of these have nothing to do with what's commonly labeled as "having sex."

All in all there's a fearlessness and freedom along with a greater clarity about my yes's and no's and a natural ease in honoring them.

http://alisonbristow.com/whole-souled-sexuality/

Fun is not a four letter word

I asked one of my clients (very successful in business with all the outer trimmings of having made it) what he did for fun. After a bit of stammering, he muttered a couple of things that were more obligatory than genuine. I was prompted to ask him the question because frankly I know the remedy for many of his ailments would be reconnecting to his innate sense of joy and allowing that to take the lead more in his life. I know this because I've experienced it. My connection to what brings me joy was cut off early as I learned to conform so I could get approval or feel validated by others (most of whom were worlds away from their joy). I went through what you might call a fun wilderness where there was no fun to be found. I judged people who had fun, wrote them off as superficial, frivolous, and irresponsible. Meanwhile I was living a perfect life that was for the most part perfectly barren of vivacious, radiant, life-affirming joy! Pretty ironic considering Joy is my name - literally - Joy Alison - though I've always gone by Alison. It took some really turbulent experiences to nudge me (or maybe even shove me) back to fun, but finally I got the hint. And oh the satisfaction of reclaiming fun as a necessity rather than a luxury from a conscious place and with contrasting experiences to back me up! For me fun doesn't mean reckless, debaucherous, or irresponsible. It means balance, pleasure, and fulfilling responsibilities with a spirit of joy and lightheartedness as much as possible. It means tuning in to connect with what brings me joy and incorporating that into my life at all costs in whatever way I can NOW. 
#wholesouledwoman  #funisnotafourletterword

Expansion over Conventional

I love supporting and witnessing a woman coming into her power and authenticity to such a degree that she has the ability to distinguish conditioning verses her essential nature and then makes choices based on the latter for perhaps the first time in her life!!! This is Whole-Souled living at its finest!

The Whole-Souled Woman doesn't seek to lock down a conventional life, rather she seeks to create a life conducive to her perpetual expansion.

#wholesouledwoman

Whole-Souled Equilibrium

I've lost count of the number of times I've gone into a public restroom to find a woman in the stall next to me throwing up. The cultural imposition of body image upon women is so predominant. This makes one of the most natural and unique to every individual activities often fraught with anxiety and confusion for girls and women. Having been on both sides of the pendulum, I love envisioning and knowing it's within every woman's ability to feel good in her body, to enjoy eating, to embrace her sexuality, and to find her own unique balance with these intricately interwoven aspects of her identity.

This is one of the areas I love supporting girls, teens, and  women in through my coaching work...
www.embodyouressence.com

The Whole-Souled Woman embodies equilibrium. Her psyche is intolerant of both excess and deficiency.

#wholesouledwoman

Take yourself on a date

Do you ever take yourself on a date and notice what you love about being with yourself and how you like to be treated? It's so incredible to love your own company! Always remembering you cannot attract from others anything you don't give to yourself.

1. I don't rush me

2. I let myself order 5 things when I can't decide on one

3. I generously pay for everything

4. I open my door for me

5. I take delight in following random impulses that diverge from the original plan

6. I don't judge me when I break into dance or song in inappropriate places

7. I don't get jealous when I talk to other people or flirt with an attractive man

8. I let myself dance til the cows come home

9. I let myself know how much I appreciate me, the moment, and being alive

10. I don't expect anything from myself at the end of the night

Cherish Your Desires

Only one who's lived my contrast would understand the delicious satisfaction of embodying this lesson. So suffice it to say I'm owning it like a MOFO! Hell yeah! YEEHAW! Hallelujah!
Feels so good!

The whole-souled woman practices cherishing her own desires above and beyond accommodating or conforming to someone else's.

Appreciate!

1000/1 that's pretty good!

if you take nothing for granted, in any given moment, for every one thing you don't like, there are at least 1,000 others to appreciate.

Intimacy is honesty

What could be more intimate than honesty, even if the content isn't what your ego wants to hear?

Community bs Competition

A stereotypical woman criticizes and competes with other women; a whole-souled woman builds community with other women.

#wholesouledwoman

Whole-Souled Woman

The whole-souled woman is whole.
She is vibrant, she is delighted, she appreciates, she loves with abandon, she embraces pleasure, she radiates wellbeing.

She takes it easy.
She attracts - she doesn't hunt.
She loves the challenge of contrast.
She feels her worthiness in every cell of her body.

She is secure. She is stable.
She is in a love affair with life.
She allows herself to taste the deliciousness of each moment.
She cherishes each of her desires as her firstborn.

She gives 10 percent of her focus to what is and 90 percent to what is becoming.

She has mastery over her thoughts - moment by moment she chooses thoughts becoming of her worthiness.

Her relationships with men are juicy, adventurous, fun, intimate, and deep - reflecting her relationship with herself.

The whole-souled woman loves her body.
She feels good in her body.
She moves with ease, power, and conscious awareness of her beauty.

She is worthy, but never entitled. She accepts with grace all that is given to her and floods the giver with genuine, heartfelt thanks.

Suffering, guilt, and self-sacrifice consistently dissolve in the realization of her capacity for pleasure and delight, joy and self-generosity.

She breathes deeply.
She meditates.
She closes her eyes often to tune to her essence.

The whole-souled woman is satisfied - filled to the brim and overflowing. Radiating positive energy on everyone she sees - constantly looking for things to appreciate rather than to complain about.

The whole-souled woman loves her sexuality.
She lets it flow in a way that's just right for her -
sometimes in dancing and moving her body; other times in feeling the air on her skin or eating her food with sensual delight; sometimes in intimate union with her lover.
She has access to endless ways in which to allow her sexuality to express itself. And she delights in all of them.

The whole-souled woman no longer strives for perfection, she seeks enjoyment in the moment.

While she may accomplish much, accomplishment is never her goal, savoring the richness of every experience is what captivates her.

She embraces being authentic over getting it right or pleasing the peanut gallery.

So in love with herself she is that she loves others like never before.

So convinced of her own value she is that she values others without compare.

She has no time for clinging to things as they are.
Rather she is eager to allow more.

The whole-souled woman loves other women.
She respects other women, holds them in high esteem, delights in and celebrates their beauty.

She knows the path of least resistance.
She spends no time trying to convince or change others.
She simply chooses the path and the company that resonates and allows everything and everyone else to fall away.

She uses contrast to climb higher.
She doesn't whine about what is, she relishes in what is becoming for she knows beyond doubt the realness of things not yet seen.

The whole-souled woman is a conjurer of reality,
not a passive observer of reality.

She is balanced, grounded, sexy, confident, powerful, tender-hearted, strong, and sure.

She is Wonder Woman,
Joan of Arc
Mother Teresa
Mary Magdalene
Maya Angelou
Cleopatra
Catherine the Great
and many others.

And most assuredly the whole-souled woman is me and you.

Don't be a stereotype

You can't blame men
You can't blame your mother
You can't blame society or your hormones and ever be the woman you know you came here to be.

#wholesouledwoman

Satisfaction is satisfying

When satisfaction is my point of attraction, all that flows in is satisfying.

Satisfaction is a frequency. It's a state of being (not doing or getting) that exists within you. All you have to do is plug in to it. Most of us get trained away from our innate satisfaction early on as we are taught to seek approval outside of ourselves mainly from adults who are disconnected from their satisfaction. We start trying to amass accomplishments, entertainment, relationships, and stuff to get satisfied which only perpetuates the disconnect. Reconnecting can happen in the twinkle of an eye as you tune inward and FEEL for it. When you touch upon it you will feel relief and even a visceral response in your belly or heart. With practice, you will sustain the connection for longer and longer periods until satisfaction is where you're living out from not something you're trying to get to. Your whole life will orchestrate around that frequency and all that you attract will feel satisfying.

Innate Worthiness

The world's view is skewed on all subjects
Don't buy it
Train yourself to turn inward
Seek and find all that you are
Reconnect with the  knowing that
You don't earn worthiness
You are worthy
The only way out is in

www.embodyouressence.com

Seek first the feeling of worthiness and all the things that you think will make you worthy will be added to you.

#youareworthy

Connection vs Attachment

Your physical identity is a wave on the ocean of life.

Everyone you meet is also a wave arising from the same ocean.

What you perceive of each other through the physical senses is temporary - a cresting and falling manifestation; and yet never for one instant disconnected from the ocean that sends it forth.

One wave you encounter as parent, another as sibling, another as friend, lover, acquaintance, passing stranger, etc.

However seemingly significant or insignificant the encounter, there is eternal momentum behind each and every connection before you become conscious of it in a physical form.

Even while it appears that your physical body over there is looking at my physical body over here, there is a non-physical but very real thread of connection that holds us together.

You have a built-in knowing of this.

When you shift your focus from the outward to the inward, you begin to reawaken this awareness and to feel the tangible here-and-now-reality of your connection with everyone and everything - including those waves who have dissolved back into the ocean that binds the connection.

The more aware you are moment-to-moment of your connection to the Ocean, the less likely you are to cling to the waves.

Your conscious awareness of connection then frees you from the enslaving habit of attachment.

If ever there was liberation, this is it.

Desire as potential presence

I love challenging myself to distill ideas down to a sentence or two. This message came from something I wrote last week that's a culmination of learning and embodying a different awareness of desire. It went something like this...

Desire: not a yearning for something absent, but an awareness of something already present in a potential form (vibrational form) - real but not yet tangible to the five senses. It's actually this potential presence that triggers what a person feels as desire. Once that occurs, the focus needs to be on the vibrational presence, rather than the physical absence. Through this process thoughts become things. Not understanding the power of attention, many people focus on the absence thereby disconnecting from their creative power and perpetuating lack.

Ageless

You are...
as young as a newborn,
as old as the furthest star.