The Road Less Traveled Life of Service

Oak Park, California

I once sobbed for an entire day at the prospect of taking a job that most people would have jumped for joy to have - retirement plan, health benefits, and great income. Believe me at the time I could've used the money and people looking from the outside in must've thought I was crazy not to take that job. That's ok - not the first time and won't be the last. Intuition often looks like insanity to those trapped in conventional mind sets. It can even feel like insanity to the one who is relying on it. This is the story of my life. Yet I didn't always recognize that intuition was what was guiding me. I often thought I was a loser, a flounderer, a cop out, or just plain nuts.

Looking back I can see some dots connecting and understand that the times where it felt in the moment like I was lost, there was actually an intelligent shaping of my character going on that would prepare me to fulfill my calling - not just hold down a job. The years of study in New York - acting, movement, and voice weren't  about becoming a famous celebrity. These years were smoothing out some unresourceful wrinkles in my character (self doubt, introversion, fear of being in front of people, lack of awareness in how I carried my body, bad habits of posture - to name a few)  that would've hindered my potential for being of service. Going out on these limbs that challenged me to the core coupled with living in a strange city without close friends or family also turned me more deeply towards spirituality for support, so I was simultaneously cultivating lasting spiritual wisdom and strength.

I'm not gonna lie - this was not easy! I watched most of my friends establish lucrative careers, enjoy exotic travels, and/or get married and start families while I was penniless moving almost every year with very little material gain to show for it. Society was frowning upon me in a big way and I felt the sting. This continuously turned me inward looking for answers, having none of the common outside things to lean on, and this made me strong from the inside out. It took nearly 20 years to embark upon what feel like two very aligned channels for my calling: teaching yoga and writing. To the microwave generation in which we live, I'm sure this sounds like a very long time. Maybe it is. But believe me the process was organic, non-GMO, no pumping in artificial stuff to make it happen faster. From where I stand now I am immensely grateful for this.

And finding the channels for my calling is only the beginning and continues to require steadiness, patience, and persistence. A powerful nugget of wisdom from the Bhagavad Gita has been a continual source of strength: "you are entitled to your actions, never to your actions fruits". This insight has saved me from falling into outcome oriented thinking. It keeps me acting even when things don't seem to be happening as I think they should. The humility it takes as a yoga teacher to show up and give to one student what you would give to 30 - knowing you're monetary compensation will be somewhere in the ballpark of $7 for 90 minutes of your time and energy, not to mention the preparation that went on beforehand, is incredibly strengthening. What this continues to teach me is that when I stand before a student or students as teacher, I am there to serve them, not to get an ego boost from them. It's ALL about SERVICE. Literally! 

After about five years on this path, I finally feel that I'm building a following of students who understand me and genuinely appreciate what I'm offering - probably because I'm getting more clear about that myself. This too is a non-GMO, organic process. And the greatest reward is the heart felt appreciation from those I serve. This may take the form of verbal or wordless thanks, monetary compensation, or gifts - all have equal value. Only capitalism would make me believe money is more important than other forms of gratitude. On a recent Sunday after class a student felt she had received so much that she put the beautiful necklace that she wore in around my neck as a gift! This necklace is absolutely priceless to me and I have no idea how much money it's worth. Just one small example of the service-centered model of compensation.

What makes all my struggles more than worth it, is to think that my life might give others the courage to honor their organic process - whatever that may be. That's why I've started writing about this journey now. For several years, I've thought I needed to wait until I had some hint of society's measure of success namely, until my calling had made me a boat load of cash! I don't remember ever reading anything from the vantage point of the process when I was struggling. I do remember inspiring stories written by people who were living their calling, but only after they had made their fortune and had the world's stamp of approval. As uplifting as these stories were, they still encouraged the notion that the ultimate goal is money, and left me with a lump of shame at not yet having achieved that. Society's notions of what success has to look like, are hard habits to break. What I now know is that I'm committed to a "service-centered" life, not a money-centered life. I never have, nor will I ever live for the dangling carrot called retirement. I will continue to live to be of service. If I have nothing to serve, then I no longer have a reason to be. I am convinced, based on experience, that a life of service is ultimately more satisfying than a life of accumulation. I will travel light so that I can serve more. And those who do shower me with praise because of what they've received can trust that it will fuel me to be of greater service, rather than inflate my ego. And I can say this with confidence because of the wisdom I've cultivated in the slow-cook-process to my calling.

I believe, beyond doubt, that my greatest offering to humanity will ultimately bring me the greatest abundance in every way - not just in a lot of money and things. I already live this abundance to a large degree through a truly balanced life, time in nature, and loving connected relationships. I don't think these things and money are mutually exclusive, but I will say that if I had to give up any one of these things in any degree just to have more money, I absolutely,100% decline.

Some might find their calling in a more conventional undertaking that pays well. Others may work at something to give themselves a financial cushion before embarking on a service oriented lifestyle. There's nothing wrong with these choices and they are supported by society. The "road less traveled" pathway that I have taken is equally as valid, but not as supported, which can make it very isolating at times. That's why I endeavor to give this pathway a much needed voice. So, my service-centered friends, take heart from my story. Wherever you are on your pathway to or within your calling, let it be organic, never be fooled by the dangling carrots of conventional ways - they will always keep you chasing another carrot, and above all trust. Trust that you are here to serve and imagine a world where each individual knows that they are here to serve. And then know that you are facilitating that awareness by the way you live your life; and that all of our systems of politics, capitalism, business, social service, education, and economics ultimately have to conform to that. And the only way this can happen is if we don't first conform to them.

"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

~ Robert Frost~